Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
