i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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