I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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