he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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