Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
