perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
