She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
