the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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