My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
