took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize