No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
