i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
