it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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