I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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