I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
