please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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