You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
