I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
