Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
