a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
