dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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