What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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