"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
