I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
