My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
