I heard we made out
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
