Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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