omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
