who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
