I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
