We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
