JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
