at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
