jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
