if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
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So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
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I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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