Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
