And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
