I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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