Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful