Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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