Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
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Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How does one acquire holy water?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sex while Star Warsing is the best