You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.