Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
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why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
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I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.