Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
