you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
