It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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