Your mouth is God's brothel.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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