Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
