I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
