I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
