i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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