I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
birth control should be required to get into college
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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