How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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