I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
