hell yes lets make some ravioli
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
