somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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