I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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