its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
