i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
