New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
