So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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