I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
