so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
