I think scott just propositioned me for sex
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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