I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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