The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
